Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.

‍

So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?

‍

Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.

‍

When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:

‍

1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.

‍

2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.

‍

3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.

‍

Be patient.

Be prudent.

Be prayerful.

Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.

‍

After almost three years of waiting, wondering if I would be able to have more children, my son Davis was born. The experience of having two miscarriages had actually birthed within me a more grateful heart. God's goodness showed up as I held this tangible bundle of love. In fact, my "lullaby song" to him as an infant and toddler became "God is so Good." Each nap time and also when I put him down at night, I would hold Davis in my arms, and sing softly in his ear:

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

Whenever I hear this song now, I can't help but think of God's faithfulness through this trial and the sweetness of his gift, in his choice time.

...Fast forward almost 28 years. Davis is "all grown up" now. Joys and trials are all mixed in his life journey, and of course, as his momma, I have experienced the emotion of it all. His story continues, as it does in each of our lives.

I'm thrilled to say he has found himself a Jesus-lovin' woman whom he will marry next month! Do you know how many years I've prayed for Acacia, not knowing her name?

Only a couple of weeks ago, I went to a bridal shower for her in Orlando, Florida. The weekend was jammed packed full of wedding planning, meeting her friends, seeing the venue, talking through the ceremony, and more! On Sunday morning of this fast-paced weekend, we paused for a bit and went to the church where she and Davis met.

There, after God's word was taught, it was time to worship. And as I stood by my future-daughter-in-law, with the music playing, her heart and hands in lifted high to our faithful God, a song began to play, none other than:

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

Right there in the church row, I had a personal moment with my full-circle God. He took me back and he brought me forward. 28 years in one stanza.

God loves to do that, you know--to bring us back to a place of remembrance so that we can worship him in the present all the more.

This happens all through Scripture. We see it with Moses. The very mountain that he saw the burning bush is the very place where he brought the Israelites to worship after they crossed the Red Sea. Full Circle God.

And of course, we see it with Jesus. He left his rightful throne; he came to earth; he fulfilled his purpose; he gave us his Spirit; and he went back to his throne in heaven. Full Circle God.

So as I stood there by Acacia, I worshiped in the moment, while also seeing the little baby I once held, thanking the Lord for the small gift that grew, and then, my lullaby whisper became a shout of praise:

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

I love my Full Circle God.

‍

‍

Over the past 18 months, I've become a grandmother to two adorable little angels. With each of their very first breaths, I entered and re-entered into the "grandparent-craze-club". I totally get it now, and I will try really hard to spare you of my several hundred pictures at this moment.

As I became Mimi, my oldest daughter became Mommy. Can I tell you how exhausted I am by watching her manage these two sometimes-human-angels? Did I really do ALL of that oh so long ago?

‍

In reflection of my mothering years, here is a look at each stage from the rearview mirror:

‍

Newborn-Toddler: Nurturing, (and praying). Primary questions come to mind, "Are they present and accounted for?" "Did they get fed?" "Are they somewhat clean?"

‍

Elementary years: Teaching, (and praying). Teaching how to brush their teeth, how to read and write, and how to get along with their siblings are just a few things that caused grey hairs to sprout all over my head.

‍

Pre Teen-Teen: Training, (and praying). Oh my, these years. Talk about grey hairs, now add wrinkles around the eyes and several more forehead creases! When I ponder too long on four different teenagers learning how to drive, I have a come-apart all over again. And then there's teaching how to manage blooming emotions and teaching how to respect authority... so much, so much.

‍

Young Adult: Listening, (and praying). As each one of my kids took flight, phone calls were filled with lots of highs and lows. I listened carefully; I also learned to read between the lines. They felt far away for the first time, but somehow, (I believe it was through my prayers for them), they were even closer in my heart.

‍

Adult Children: Watching, (and praying). What a paradox, adult children. They're fully grown, yet they're still growing. I'm in this stage now, and I am more of an observer; like watching my daughter become a mommy. I'm also watching each of my kids grow up as they deal with their real life "stuff." Career paths, relationships, faith. Sometimes it's so awesome, and sometimes it's just not. When they were toddlers at my feet, I could pick them up and just hold them when it hurt. Now, the BEST thing (and sometimes the only thing) I can give them is prayer.

‍

No matter where you are in your parenting, prayer is the lifeline, for you and for your kids. Remember, you are talking to the One who knows your child better than you do--in each and every stage! Believe this crazy truth: God can out-love even a mother's full on loving heart! So talk to Him.

‍

This reminds me of a motto that the Lord whispered to me way back in those 24/7 toddler years. It's this:
"Talk a whole lot to God about your kids, and talk a whole lot to your kids about God."

‍

So parent, choose to nurture, teach, train, listen, watch, and pray.

‍

‍

Twenty-ish years ago I was a mother to a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 6 year old, and an 8 year old. Not only was I “mommy” to these darling-made-of-dust-angels, I was also their homeschool teacher. By God’s grace, much of these years are a distant blur, but let me just say, when I couldn’t handle some of these small but stubborn pupils in my class, they were sent to the principal’s office. Of course, the principal was none other than their no nonsense, but fun-loving daddy.

Now fast forward a very long blink to ten years later: 13, 14, 16, 18–with emphasis on the word “teen.” These four bigger and more complex earthlings entered a whole new world called public school. New challenges were met, new rules were laid down; and yes, more than my husband and I wanted, these rules were broken. Thus, consequences followed. There was even a time when Mac and I made a trip to the real principle’s office in the real high school on account of one our delightful offspring.

After writing these two paragraphs, I need a nap.

In all seriousness, as I think back on these years of my own parenting, I ask myself, “What if we didn’t spank, or use time-out, or deal appropriately with our toddlers? Or in the later years, what if we didn’t take away the phones, or car keys, or other privileges for our teenagers?” As parents, It was our sincere hope that our loving discipline would contribute to a maturing child.

Likewise for you and me, God disciplines us to mature us. We as humans innately think that our way is better than God’s choice path, so we stubbornly or defiantly (or even innocently) go for it! Thankfully, our good, good Father enters our waywardness not only to mercifully rescue us, but also to gracefully teach us.

Discipline does not feel good, but it is good. It’s never really wanted, but it’s always truly needed in order for us to grow. We WILL make mistakes, and consequences WILL follow; let’s choose to be refined by them, not buried under them. Whether we are in our toddler, teenage, or twenties concerning our faith-walk with our loving Father, let’s receive what He gives us with a teachable heart.

He says to each one of us, “You are mine; I love you, and I want to lead you into what is best for you. Sweetheart, it’s time to grow up.”

Trust His gentle love; submit to His refining hand.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

‍

The challenging words below are not new. I have set them before each of my children as they entered high school, and then again, as they have gone on to their respective colleges. And now, for the fourth (and final) time, we are packing up the suburban to drop our "baby" off at the University of Tennessee. I will not go into the emotional weight of this reality for me as a mom, otherwise I would not make it through this post! However, my words to Emmy are the same as they were to her siblings as they each stepped into their new chapter of life.

"Emmy, always, always, always, REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. Say to your own heart first, and then proclaim this to the world"...

By the grace of God, I am who I am.

I am what the world calls a "Jesus freak," but what I call "saved by grace."I am living for the One who died for me.

I salt the earth with His kindness; I light the world with His love.

I choose to walk by faith and not by sight, and to dance to the beat of a different drum.

I am the one who has Power beyond my own strength, Peace beyond my own understanding, and Purpose beyond my own pleasure.

I am the one who answers to the Commander of the Universe; and yet, I am also calmed by His intimate Spirit that lives in me.

Because of Christ Jesus, I am living Life to the fullest--yesterday, today, and FOREVER.

I am changed; I am more than I am.I am a vessel that holds a treasure, a lamp that shines a light, and a well that springs a fountain.

And with these abiding truths, I am the one who pursues the lost and broken, the way He so passionately pursued me. I am His ambassador. I am His image bearer. I am His messenger.

By the grace of God, I am who I am.

I am a Christ follower. I am free.

Dear Readers,Not too long ago I had a conversation with Michael Easley on his radio broadcast show called InContext. If you have the opportunity, I welcome you to listen to my thoughts and stories about life and God, highs and lows, messing up and maturing.

‍

The interview can be found here: http://michaelincontext.com/listen/

‍Resting in Him alone.